I’m Not Worried About Al Taking My Job

Al is coming to take my job and all the jobs. That’s what I hear. I’ve heard a lot about Al in the news lately. Every day, there are new articles, which feel like they are generated automatically, appearing across a wide variety of media outlets.

In addition, a lot of people tell me, firsthand, they are worried about Al taking their jobs. Not me. I’m a writer AND a graphic designer, so I’m safe. Absolutely golden.

I’m not sure why Al has so many people worried. I mean, how much damage can one guy do? How many jobs can one guy take? What’s he going to do, pull a triple shift and work weekends?

Let’s not be mistaken about this. For example, Linda McMahon, the highly esteemed Secretary of Education–by way of professional wrestling, naturally–recently mixed up Al with A1. What a moronic blunder! Get it right! It’s not A1, it’s Al. As in Big Al, or Little Al, if that’s the case. I don’t know, I’ve never seen him. Therein lies part of the problem–I don’t know what he physically looks like. In fact, I think he’s ducking me. Gutless coward! There used to be a time when he and I would take it outside and settle our differences, like real men.

You think you’re going to take my job, you sneaky bastard? I’ve got news for you, Al. I’m going to take your job! I’m going to visit your workplace, talk to your manager, and offer to work more hours for less pay. You don’t stand a chance. You’re going down, way before I am. Face it, Al, there’s no future for you!