Tom is an internationally ignored hack. His work has not appeared in The New York Times, The Economist, Le Monde, or The Japan Times. Or Highlights for Children or Adult Video News (AVN).
He has received no awards and no accolades, and deservedly so.
He is currently living down to his potential.
Advance Praise From Those Who Know Him Best
“Who?” –Best Man at Wedding
“I’m afraid he thinks he’s funny. Someone should tell him the truth. Not me, but someone.” –Friend
“I saw this coming many years ago. It was only a matter of time before he self-imploded.” –High School Counselor
“Just when you think he has finally hit rock bottom…Damn.” –College Roommate
“Who? I don’t remember him at all. He’s doing what now? Yeah, I don’t really care.” –Former Coworker
“I don’t know who you’re talking about. I gotta go.” –Former Girlfriend (Allegedly)
“I made mistakes. I have regrets.” –Mother