Category: I Love My Wife

“Did you wear those clothes two days in a row?” I don’t particularly appreciate the accusatory tone in my wife’s voice.

“Um, excuse me? Two? That’s nothing. More like five days in a row. C’mon, give me the credit I deserve.”

Some of the true perks of working from home – relaxed standards for personal appearance, personal hygiene, and self-care. And the comforting justification you give yourself about conserving water.

“In addition, observant but critical wife, I would argue that you’re looking at it all wrong. I prefer to look at it as a fashion challenge: Who Wore It Better? Me today, me yesterday, or me tomorrow. Or maybe even me next week. You’ll have to wait and see who gets crowned the winner.”

Actually, there are no winners in this, least of all, my fresh-clothes-every-day wife.

One of my communication superpowers is the inability to follow pronouns, even in a simple conversation, story, or discussion. For example, a typical exchange with my wife might unfold as follows:

“I was talking to my co-worker Raymond about books assigned in high school and we were both assigned Shelley’s Frankenstein. And we were talking about Frankenstein and the monster and he was saying…”

“Wait, who is ‘he’? Frankenstein?”

“No.”

“The monster?”

“No.”

“Shelley?”

“Shelley is a woman, you idiot! She is the author. She is not a he.”

“Ok, so who is ‘he’?”

“Raymond! Who else would it be? Do you not understand context at all?”

“Ok, I’m sorry. But…but…you chose to marry me. So some of this is on you.”

“You’re right. I should have married the monster. At least he would have understood me.”

“Wait, who is ‘he’?”