Category: Introductions

Hello, kind reader. Thank you for joining us this fine day.

So what the hell is this shit?

Excellent question. Thank you for asking. My only ambition in life is to have you ask more questions and to read on.

What are you going to write?

Humorous anecdotes and vignettes.

Short and light.

Hopefully well-written. 

Hopefully funny.

Many based on personal gaffes.

For whom are you going to write? Who is your audience?

The immaturati.

For example, immature people who enter dirty words into Wordle for cheap, sordid laughs and who are completely beneath contempt.

I.e., my kind of people.

Why are you writing this?

To keep my brain active and to give myself something productive to do in my abundant, unstructured free time.

To amuse myself. 

To take a leap with something new and see what happens.

Should I waste my time with this shit?

That is entirely up to you, but be forewarned, “waste” is likely the correct and operative verb here. Do any of the following describe you?

• Time to kill
• Easily amused
• Immature sense of humor
• Low expectations of others

If so, welcome! Please feel free to sample the current offerings on the blog.

And if you know other immature reprobates that might enjoy this, by all means, please send them over. Bless you and their dark souls, in advance.

My current plan is to post new shit every Friday around 12 noon, Pacific.

Dear Eager, but Unsuspecting Reader,

I’m sorry, I have no other choice but to intervene. I am a serious, discerning reader. I am a patron of the arts and a connoisseur of fine literature. 

As such, I feel it is my moral and cultural duty to interject and tell the current reader, in no uncertain terms, that this is neither art nor literature. This is unadulterated poppycock and a complete waste of everyone’s time.

I will confine my comments to this section, so as not to have them interspersed and possibly confused with the embarrassing prose of this unlettered jackanapes.

Perhaps unbeknownst to you, what you are currently seeing on your screen is garbage, disguised as a blog, written by some miserable, no-talent hack. Pure putrescence, not worthy of screen space, nor worthy of human consumption. 

None of this material would appear in any self-respecting publication, such as The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Atlantic, Williams Magazine (which, if you must ask, you mouth breather, is the Williams College alumni magazine), or be heard on NPR. The Onion? I don’t know what that is, but it sounds beneath me.

As you can clearly tell, I don’t condone this “writing.” Actually, I wouldn’t stoop to call what appears on these pages “writing,” and I don’t condone your complicity in reading it. So, for the sake of all that is decent, please stop reading this.

There are numerous and diverse ways you can spend or even waste your time, if you so desire: TikTok, Hallmark movies, People Magazine, scratch-off tickets. This is just a partial list, but it should provide you with many viable alternatives.

At this point, I am graciously presenting you with the opportunity to exit from this site and walk away. I implore you to do so. 
































Stop reading this! This isn’t funny! Every other piece of writing on the internet is better and more compelling. And yet, you choose to continue with this. What is wrong with you?

I’ve warned you—he is a hack, this is drivel. You are only encouraging him to continue this monkey business. 

This is my final plea. I beseech you. Stop reading this at once or suffer the inevitable brain rot, shame, and regret that will follow. Mark my words. Good day!