Having a car collision with a moving object? That can happen to anyone. That actually might not be your fault. Where’s the distinction and glory in that?
I’ve hit a number of stationary objects with my car. That’s all I hit, that’s my specialty. The thing I like best about it is there’s no doubt who is to blame; it is unquestionably 100% my fault and it helps solidify my status as a crappy driver.
Trees, bush branches, dumpster, bench, brick wall, concrete post, fenders of other parked cars (at least three), the side of my neighbor’s parked truck. I’ve played bumper cars with all of them.
I proudly remember one particular occasion, eons ago, in which I was backing up my car in my apartment building parking lot. It was a small outdoor lot with five diagonal spaces. Difficulty level 1.
Initially unbeknownst to me, because I was laser-focused on the driving task at hand, my driving ineptitude was on full display for a very interested audience. An older guy–our widowed landlady’s “gentleman friend,” an old, crusty, New England type–completely stopped his yard work to watch me maneuver my vehicle.
In an effort to avoid contact with several cars on the passenger side, I swung out wide and made contact with several bush branches on the driver side. It made a terrible scratching sound.
After watching this pathetic exhibition, he said, “Be careful, you’re going to scrape the paint off the bushes!” and then started cracking up at his own joke.
Good one, sir. You got me. I’m glad I could provide you with such cheap amusement. I’m useful for more than just the rent.
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